Every year we make New Year’s Resolutions: lose more weight, eat healthier, get a raise, plant more roses, win a Pulitzer. Blah Blah Blah. Well, seeing how all those have worked out for me so far, I’ve decided to shift gears this year and make some resolutions I have some vague hope of keeping.
1. Not put the manager in a headlock the next time McDonald’s is out of TP in the women’s room.
2. Make AMC feel the full power of my wrath for making me wait until February (February, really?) for The Walking Dead.
3. Get a guest spot on The Walking Dead for my insightful and brilliant exegesis of said show.
4. Not getting a restraining order by the producers in my quest for said guest spot on said show.
5. Convince my husband that Mr. Clean is not the AntiChrist.
6. Dispose of all mail postdated prior to the Obama administration.
7. Eradicate from my home any and all dust bunnies old enough to be in menopause.
8. Stay out of jail while in menopause.
9. Catch one fish. Just one. Really, that’s all I’m asking here. One fish. Surely this doesn’t require super powers does it?
10. Find and attend the nearest 12-step program for making lists as blog posts.