Experiencing a Miracle: Part I
My hiatus came about after a family crisis, the outcome of which is still unknown. We were devastated. I have been unable to write, because I believe strongly in writing the truth, and lately my truth has been kind of a downer, with this being the exception.
All of that notwithstanding, I wrote this in late June when things began to look up. The truth of this post has held up, so I think I can post this.
What do you do when the miracle happens to you? I mean that miracle that everyone said could not happen, and at the eleventh hour, bam! There it is.
And how do you talk about it without sounding like you had a few too many ounces of someone’s Kool Aid?
For all my spirituality and faith, I’ve always been a skeptic. I’ve worked in scientific/math-related fields all my life. And for all the miracles I’ve seen in the news, I figured they belonged to others: I’d lost that random lottery of miracles. One wasn’t about to happen to me: never had, never will.
Then, in my darkest moment, when the situation seemed most bleak to everyone – not just me – from out of nowhere, boom!
The past few months have been a struggle. I’m not one who can write through my trials. As I wrote in the Sleeping Beauty post, I don’t like powerlessness. I am the quintessential back-seat driver on life’s existential highway. I spent so long captaining my own ship across so many storms, I came to believe that I alone took the credit. God, the Creator, the Universe, I don’t care how you name It/Him/Her, was there as some kind of pep squad, definitely not in the game. I’ve always trusted the Universe to help out, but I was one of these “God helps those who help themselves.”
But Divine Intervention? Pulling something out of the fire at the last minute? That was an interpretation of events I was willing to credit to other people’s lives, never my own.
Then it came. Something wonderful, unexpected and for which I can take about 10% credit at best. The only thing, the most helpful thing, I could do was sit down, shut up, and let things happen. My experience with the universe was that that approach never turned out well. Not for me anyway. Things only worked out when I rolled up my sleeves and got in there, which I absolutely could not do. I had to sit on the sidelines silently this time. The husband will tell you that’s about like asking a fish to fly up and build a nest. The mere fact I pulled it off ought to count as miracle enough.
Then, literally “lo and behold,” things worked out better than anyone predicted.
How the $#@&!! did that happen?
I try explaining it to myself in a thousand other ways, but given the improbability of this outcome, even the most conservative adherent to the scientific method would have to give the supremacy of goodness, justice and miracles a serious thought. Lo, Sheldon Cooper himself would have to credit his mother’s power of prayer with some degree of correlation, if not causation.
So there it is. Part of the deal is, as the verse on my chalk board reminds me, is I have to share this, “so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God” (II Corintians 1:4). That’s part of the deal. So there it is folks.
But (as they say) wait, there’s more!
Are you ready for the shocker? Hold on to your seats. There wasn’t just one good thing out of this Crisis of Crises, there were a few. Miracles > 1 for us mathletes out there.
I’ve always told my loved ones there no matter bad something was, God could pull something good out of it. I said that on faith, faith built on watching historical events and other people’s lives – always at a distance. Okay, and I said that to cheer people up, too. Now I have to put my money where my mouth is, and say that it happened to me.
I have to say it without sounding intellectually weak, or like I drank a few too many glasses of someone else’s Kool Aid. How do I do that?
When I figure it out, I will let you all know.
And yes, I’m back.